More than an acronym

I cringe every time I read something that refers to someone as a MILF. For those of you who are unaware of this pervasive term, MILF stands for “Mother I’d Like to F***.” There are similar acronyms assigned for a variety of other individuals, including dads, babysitters, grandmothers, and grandfathers. According to a 2003 definition of MILF on Urban Dictionary, the term MILF can be assigned to “mothers, whether married, separated or divorced, that a male individual sees as physical attractive enough to want to have sexual intercourse with them.” The definition goes on to explain why these MILFs are viable candidates for sexual activity – “Just cuz their moms doesn't mean that they don't need a spark in their love life. If they've ever breastfed,they have really responsive nipples and a core of erectile tissue in their breasts. The ones in good shape have worked at regaining control over their vaginas (Kegel exercises).MILFs are usually real careful about birth control, they know accidents happen but they take responsible steps. They want to f*** with abandon, with no romantic complications for their under-19 family. A MILF is any mother that is sexually desirable.” Grammatical errors aside, there are glaring implications that this explanation holds for the perpetuation of rape culture in our society (and you’ll notice that I’ve included the DILF and GranDILF acronyms in an acknowledgement that rape culture can also impact males).

The most obvious implication is that these individuals are being sexualized and objectified. Rather than acknowledging pleasing attributes of these individuals (e.g., so-and-so’s mother is attractive, smart, etc.), these acronyms beeline to the sexual, whether it is wanted by the objectified person or not. In the Urban Dictionary definition, breastfeeding is categorized not as a way to nourish one’s child, but as a way to ensure one’s ability to orgasm. Kegel exercises are viewed as a way to tighten one’s vagina for the sexual pleasure of the person doing the objectifying, rather than as a way to treat urinary incontinence and other pelvic floor problems. It is assumed that these women (after all, they’re obviously not virgins… shame on them… they’re asking for it) desire sexual relations without commitment and are basically nymphomaniacs whose libidos are insatiable.

Rape culture is defined as “an environment in which rape is prevalent and in which sexual violence against women is normalized and excused in the media and popular culture.  Rape culture is perpetuated through the use of misogynistic language, the objectification of women’s bodies, and the glamorization of sexual violence, thereby creating a society that disregards women’s rights and safety” (http://www.marshall.edu/wcenter/sexual-assault/rape-culture/). The term MILF has been integrated into our slang vocabulary in the past decade to the point where it doesn’t seem like an overtly sexual term. This seamless integration is proof positive that we are living in a rape culture. It has almost become a compliment, which is a key component to the perpetuation of rape culture in our society. In order for rape culture to continue to exist, women (and those who love them) must be complicit. Disturbingly, the hashtag #MILF (which I would not recommend looking at unless you’re ready for some explicit images) is being used by husbands to describe their wives and by daughters to describe their mothers.

Some may say that no one is, in fact, being raped when this egregious term is used nonchalantly, and therefore, calling someone a MILF does not constitute rape culture. While it is true that referring to a woman as a MILF does not involve the physical violence that constitutes rape as a criminal act, the emotional consequences of letting these seemingly harmless acronyms run rampant in our discourse are unseen, elusive, but real. The blatant disregard for women’s safety, prosperity, and equality has real consequences. Phenomena like the gender pay gap, an overwhelming male government deciding what reproductive rights women should be allowed to have, the underwhelming number of women in positions of power, not to mention the absurdly high number of women who have/will experience sexual violence in their lifetime, prove that we have a long way to go in terms of gender equality. Standing up to objectification and sexualization by way of abolishing these “harmless” terms is one small, albeit important, step towards a better world for mothers, sisters, wives, girlfriends, and yourself if you’re a member of the female sector of the population. Don’t be a bystander! Call people out when they use sexist, misogynistic language! Women should be acknowledged as the intelligent, capable, strong, talented, beautiful PEOPLE they are. Don’t let the women you love be reduced to an acronym.